Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry majchase hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(631): View more from New York

there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

Fav 13 1086 2500
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.

Fav 81 6516 1431
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

Fav 24 5221 1385
share tweet
(805): View more from California

my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

Fav 43 1818 14812
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

Fav 7 1238 4906
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

Fav 37 1555 3316
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.

Fav 9 1691 749
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.

(774): View more from Massachusetts

You schedule blowjobs?

Fav 2 272 117
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.

Fav 0 61 17
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT