I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize