Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
