He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
