why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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