its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The air was thick with penises
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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