Duck Duck Cougar?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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