friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
