i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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