The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
