The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
