gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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