i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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