when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
