Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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