Just cropdusted the office
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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