i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
