Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
