That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
