you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
