I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
