if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
