sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
