There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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