Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
