Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
