Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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