he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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