Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
