Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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