Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
