never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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