dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
