i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
