end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
