I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
