I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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