I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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