So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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