WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
