Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
