Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
