We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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