I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
