Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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