I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
