I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
