I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
