I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
