i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
