Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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