I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize