Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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