I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
