And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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