just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize