i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
