barbara walters just said penis...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
