I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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