just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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