are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
