you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
