my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
