He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
