I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
