Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
