google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
