Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
