Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
