the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
