ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
