Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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