I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
