dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
