I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
