Can Purell be used as lube?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
