Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
