Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
