got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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