this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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