I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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