shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
