i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
